Eric Berlin

Sometimes it’s best to quit while you’re ahead, as this bizarre story makes clear. To summarize:

1) Mugger attempts to rob Victim with a sawed-off shotgun.

2) Victim pulls out his own weapon and takes shotgun from Mugger. Victim’s weapon turns out to be fake.

3) Victim, who we’ll keep calling Victim even though he has turned the tables, robs the Mugger, and forces the Mugger to strip naked.

4) Victim marches Mugger into a nearby building and proceeds to beat him with the butt of the sawed-off shotgun.

5) When you are beating someone with the butt of a sawed-off shotgun, where do you suppose the barrel is pointed?

6) Victim accidentally shoots and kills self.

Remember, kids, as we learned in shop class, every tool has its purpose. Don’t pry nails out of wood with a screwdriver, and don’t use a sawed-off shotgun as a club. It’s just common sense.

Gimme!

(Thanks to Fuse.)

Does anybody out there in Puzzle Land still have copies of the Haystack 2006 puzzles?

On the one hand, good idea! On the other hand, I sorta assumed we inventoried that stuff once a month or so — you know, as a matter of course. You’d think keeping track of nuclear bombs is something you wouldn’t have to be reminded to do.

Tuned in to very local public radio yesterday, I found myself listening to a diatribe against pornography by a Women’s Studies professor at some nearby college. It was soon clear that her definition of that word had been extended to include, for instance, Victoria’s Secret commercials.

At one point she talked about Jessica Simpson, and she said sadly, “Every generation has its dumb blonde. In my day, it was Meg Ryan.”

Wha? Maybe if you have a Doctorate in Feminism, you can see the bright line connecting Meg Ryan and Jessica Simpson, but the rest of us are going to require some sort of explanation. Ryan, in her heyday, was a cuddly lightweight of an actress, more than adequate and sometimes quite good in comic roles. Simpson is… {shudder}

I have no doubt that Meg Ryan’s looks helped get her somewhere in the movie biz — you can’t say she’s ugly — but she was never a bombshell and didn’t care to be. She also had some acting chops to back up her blonde hair. Having made a name for herself, she was not dependent on her sexuality to propel her along. What has Jessica Simpson accomplished that she still would have accomplished if she didn’t have big boobs? She is the definition of American vacuity. At least Pamela Anderson (the name the professor should have said) had a sense of humor that let you know she was in on the joke. Jessica doesn’t even have that. She’s just a brain-dead blank in a bikini. Comparing her to Meg Ryan is an insult to actresses who happen to be blonde.

Maybe the professor really, really hated the diner scene in When Harry Met Sally.