How not to get a book published

This is the funniest thing I’ve read in a while.

To Whom It May Concern:

Space Ark!, a great science-fiction novel, is now ready for representation to publishers or producers including having been professionally edited, copyrighted via the U.S. Library of Congress and registered with the Writers Guild of America.

We cordially invite you to visit our web site, where the book is featured, and whose URL is listed in the automated signature of this e-mail, to begin your consideration of it.

Already during the book’s self-publication phase, 2,790 copies of its original manuscript have been sold! So, hurry to be the first to be able to rep the book if you’re an agent, or publish it if you’re a publisher, for its debut in physical book stores and in e-stores on the Internet.

A copy of the manuscript with digital color cover and inside illustrations is not free to publishers or agents. You MUST purchase a copy of the ENTIRE BOOK via our web site to peruse it. No sample chapters will be sent; no exceptions. No author biography or synopsis will be sent as all such preliminary info. is available at www.spaceark.net. If you do not want to begin consideration of the book via our web site, then we’re not interested in dealing with your company; no exceptions.

And it goes on like this! Read the whole thing.

Bonus points: At the fellow’s Web site, he refers to his novel as a “105,000 Word Symphony of Inspiration.”

Extra Double Bonus Points: The first sentence from the excerpt of this Symphony of Inspiration is as follows: “Oceana’s triplicate synthetic recreation from the Space Ark’s registry of binary data was the first Being to be regenerated from the Terrestrial Ark’s deep well of androgynous doubles and carnal genetic ancestors.”